Thursday, April 21, 2011

Turdsday Movie Review: Skyline (2010)

In lieu of doing a full review of Skyline I've instead decided to post a transcript of a conversation between Colin and Greg Strause (the directors of Skyline), that occurred at the end of a Hy*drau*lx production meeting sometime in 2009. Enjoy...

Colin Strause: Hey Bro, I've been meaning to talk to you about something.
Greg Strause: What's that?
CS: I'm kind of tired of doing effects for other people's movies. I reckon we should make our own movie.
GS: Oh, not that old chestnut. We did make our own movie and everyone hated it.
CS: "Alien Versus Predator: Requiem" wasn't our movie it was fucking Fox's movie. I mean we should make our movie. Raise the cash ourselves. Make the movie we wanna make.
GS: Hmmm... what kind of movie did you have in mind?
CS: OK, sit down because I've been thinkin' about this and I reckon it could be awesome.
GS: Go on.
CS: An alien invasion movie set in LA.
GS: Cool. What’s the story?
CS: Aliens invade LA.
CG: And?
CS: Aliens in all different shapes and sizes invade LA. Some are huge. Some are small. Some walk. Some fly. Some have long tentacles. Some could be shaped like a big rock with a huge vagina shaped mouth...
GS: Awesome. So what happens?
CS: ...and some have big four way pincer claws, and some have a long scaly tongue like thing that can whip out and grab shit like a frogs' tongue and...
GS: Yeah, yeah, cool, I get that. Lots of different kinds of aliens, but what's the plot?
CS: OK, OK, so all the aliens have this blue light thing, right? Like on my blu-ray player. That's what they all have in common. That's what ties them together, so the audience doesn’t think it's just a bunch of random shit we made up. And their mother ships fire big blue lights that turn you into some sort of zombie if you look at it. We could use that cool visible veins effect on the humans that look at the blue light.
GS: Col, I understand the visuals. I like the concept. But what's the basic plot, dude?
CS: They attack people! The aliens! They attack people. People like us, I guess... in LA!
GS: Yeah, OK, but what actually happens? Give me the detail.
CS: Oh, yeah, right, well, they turn some people into zombies with the blue light and vaporise them. But some people get sucked up... like hundreds of people get sucked up... into the big mother ships like a giant freakin' vacuum. We can use that multiple human silhouette motion capture effect. Then some people could get grabbed by tentacles and sucked into these tube-like orifices. Then some people get crushed by big stomping aliens. Then, when the military attack them…
GS: The military attacks the aliens?
CS: Yeah.
GS: Awesome. Now we're talkin' plot. I like it. Go on.
CS: When the military attacks with helicopters the aliens take 'em down with those long scaly tongue like whips. And there's these crazy ass dog fights between air force stealth bombers and flying aliens.
GS: Oh man, that's cool.
CS: So we should do it right? We should make this movie?
GS: You're definitely onto something. This could be seriously awesome. But we need characters.
CS: Characters?
GS: People.
CS: Humans?
GS: Right. Main characters. I think they should be everyday people. People like you and me.
CS: Assholes living in LA?
GS: Touché. But I'm serious. Critics lap that character development shit up. OK, let me think. We should have... a pregnant chick. Yeah, a young couple... she's pregnant, but not too pregnant because she needs to be hot. Wait! I've got it! She's pregnant but the boyfriend doesn't know it. That's drama, dude. That's academy award shit.
CS: Maybe she could be impregnated by the aliens?
GS: Yeah, I dunno about that. Let's stick with them being regular folk with a human baby for now.
CS: OK, we could shoot the talky drama crap in our condo, that way we'll have more money to spend on effects.
GS: More effects, yeah, cool... no, wait, regular folk don’t live in condos.
CS: They don't?
GS: Dude, regular folk have to pay $20 for a cinema ticket and $30 for a new DVD, how the hell are they going to be able to afford living in a condo?
CS: Oh. OK. So, uhm... maybe... oh, I know, the regular dude and the pregnant-but-still-hot chick are from out of town, visiting friends who live in a condo.
GS: Perfect
CS: Yeah. Hot friends. Who have hot pool parties with lots of bikini chicks.
GS: Nice.
CS: So, they talk shit for a while, but not too long, and then the aliens attack...
GS: And the military attack back, with our characters getting caught up in it all.
CS: Aliens of all different shapes and sizes.
GS: Right, I think you said that already.
CS: Sorry.
GS: It's OK. You’re excited, I understand. So then how does it end?
CS: What?
GS: How does the movie end?
CS: Hmmm... good question.
GS: You don’t have an ending?
CS: Uhm...
GS: I think you need an ending. I mean, you've got a beginning and middle...
CS: Isn't that enough?
GS: Yeah, fuck it, let's do this thing.

1 comment:

  1. Alien movies sure have come a long way since Killer Klowns from outer space. I really thought they did a great job with the special effects and the actors were really believable. I have been a fan of science fiction movies. I like that they broke away from the typical alien story lines that have been repeated over and over. I saw that this movie was available to order on Dish Online while I was at work. I work for Dish Network so I get to know a lot about movies that are coming out to order. This was a good movie but the ending left me wondering why they ended it there.