Tuesday, March 17, 2009

The Worstest Movie Ever: The Brown Bunny (2003) Review

The Brown Bunny, a movie about an unhappy bloke who drives from one place to another place, is 80% tedium, 20% exploitation, and 100% shit.

Imagine bolting a video camera to the inside of your car and aimlessly driving around for 45 minutes: this is how Vincent Gallo, the talentless hack responsible for this turgid piece of excrement, gets half his principle “photography” in the can. There’s no narration or dialogue, just badly shot, dull and pointless car cam. It feels like he made a bad short film and then decided to pad it out to an even worse feature length movie using this utterly inane footage.

The interminable boredom this invokes is only broken up by a handful of completely implausible scenes where the inexplicably catatonic Gallo gets out of his van to play tonsil hockey with complete strangers. These strangers appear to be, for reasons that are never explained or explored, similarly catatonic and unbelievably responsive to Gallo’s pathetic advances.

The final scene, that attempts to explain why we’ve been subjected to the previous, seemingly endless, montage of mind-numbing scenes, plays out like a bad 50’s who-dun-it. The exposition comes flooding out, and is handled with all the subtlety of a sledgehammer beating other sledgehammers with a sledgehammer.

Gallo stars in, wrote, shot, directed, edited and produced The Brown Bunny. He show’s so little care and/or competency in every single discipline, it’s hard to not think he made this crap simply so he could to have it off with a few desperate actresses.

And if Gallo is really a genius, who’s created a masterpiece that people like me simply don’t understand (as some fans of this film assert), how is it that the best response he could come up with to Roger Ebert’s criticisms of the film was to call Ebert a “fat pig”? Genius? Masterpiece? Pig's ass!

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